Turn That Frown Upside-Down
by xotakux2002x
Summary: What's Kisame to do when his partner's in a bad mood? Why, cheer him up of course! kisaita


Kisame was shifting nervously about in his seat, eyes warily watching Itachi. The weasel was currently silently lying down on his stomach atop their bed, his arms folded and tucked under his chin, as he'd been doing for the past few hours. Meanwhile, the shark was sitting on the other side of the bedroom, warily watching the Uchiha. The truth of the matter was that Kisame felt terrified of Itachi at the moment.

Kisame's terror was not completely unfounded. Whenever Itachi stayed quiet for long periods of time, it meant that he was feeling rather poorly. Itachi being upset often turned into him being angry. And if the weasel became irate, who would be the one he made suffer? His partner, of course.

Still bearing the bite and burn marks from the last time Itachi was allowed to become a grumpy weasel, Kisame decided to undertake a brilliant yet suicidal plan to save his hide. He was going to put his lover in a good mood, using whatever means necessary.

The shark started by simply moving to sit beside his reclining lover. Once in position, he reached out a blue hand and began to massage gentle circles into the Uchiha's back. Itachi turned his head to look over his shoulder at the elder male, eyes glaring with enough force to wilt a field full of daises at first glance. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you a back rub," Kisame replied with a shrug of his shoulders, as if this was something he and Itachi did every day.

The weasel growled softly and rolled away from Kisame. Tragically, his failing eyesight meant that Itachi did not possess the best depth perception among ninjas. As a result, the weasel managed to roll away from his partner, and fall off the bed in one fell move.

Kisame dared not make a sound, lest his throat be ripped out by his partner.

Slowly, Itachi rose from the ground. If looks could burn, the carpet in the room would have been set ablaze by the Uchiha's stare. "Kisame?"

"Yes?"

"That never happened."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plan A had obviously not gone, well, according to plan, for lack of a better phrase. Kisame thus gave the weasel a few hours to be alone, whilst he regrouped and attempted to form a better plan than the one that had just so epically failed.

The next plan involved feeding the weasel. Giving Itachi food had proven to be one of the best methods to calm the Uchiha when times were tough. The main hitch in the plan, though, was that Itachi's food choices were quite limited; Kisame had met five-year-olds who were more willing to try new foods than Itachi was. The shark knew he had to go with something sweet (preferably chocolate), not too filling, and easy to eat. Thus, Kisame selected chocolate pocky for his food of choice.

When the shark finally located Itachi, his partner was sulking on the couch. Kisame paled ever so slightly. Itachi had transitioned from being quiet to actually moping. Not good.

Hoping desperately to avoid disaster, Kisame hurried to his lover. "Itachi, look what I have."

The weasel slowly turned his head to glance up at Kisame. Onyx eyes widened by the tiniest of margins when they located the pocky. Itachi's entire body shifted around so that he now faced Kisame, his eyes never looking away from the sweet treat before him.

Kisame smiled and held out the food to the weasel. Excellent; now all he had to do was wait for Itachi to eat the sweets, and he was set-"POCKY!"

Oh dear Kami.

Tobi came flying into the room and swiped the pocky out of Kisame's hand just as Itachi's fingertips brushed against the bright red cardboard container. His prey now in hand, Tobi settled himself on the living room floor, crossing his legs as gloved fingers began opening the container. "Whose pocky is this, Kisame?" he inquired, attention clearly focused on the sweets in his lap.

"…Itachi's."

The masked ninja looked up to the duo to see Kisame mouth the words, "Nice knowing you," to him, and Itachi rise from his seat with his Sharingan activated.

"…Tobi is a good boy?"

Kisame fled the room as the weasel lunged for Tobi's throat. This was not going to be pretty, and Kisame already had enough bad memories from the time Hidan stole the weasel's shampoo.

Five minutes later Itachi extracted the pocky from Tobi's bloody and bruised hands. "Ouchies," Tobi whimpered from the ground.

"Hn," Itachi muttered as he exited the room.

"Zetsu…Zetsu? Oh, what's that pretty light? It's getting brighter and brighter…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Both Plans A and B had failed, much to Kisame's disappointment. Well, that was why he had a Plan C. This involved finding another uke and asking them for advice. After a wee bit of searching, Kisame located Deidara in the basement, busily working on his "art".

After determining that the blonde was in a good mood (and thus safe for any reasonably sane person to approach) Kisame walked across the dark and dank room to the blonde male. "Deidara, can I ask you something?" Kisame inquired as he took a seat beside the blonde on the cold, concrete floor.

"Un," Deidara replied. The bomber was biting his lower lip with an intense look of concentration on his face, while his fingers molded and shaped the soft clay in his hands into fantastic shapes and creatures.

Kisame rolled his eyes but decided against mentioning Deidara's lack of attention on his visitor. "Deidara, what does Sasori do to make you stop sulking after he pisses you off?"

"Hmm?" Deidara finally looked up at the words. "I don't sulk, un."

Kisame gave the blonde a look of sheer disbelief. "Deidara, you moped for a week when he called you "brat" one too many times. You pouted for days when he accidentally smudged one of your sculptures. You even went through that whole "emo phase" when he forgot your guys' anniversary."

Deidara hmmphed and turned away. "Your point?"

Kisame took a moment to be thankful that he'd gotten a mature Uchiha instead of a childish bomber for his lover. Afterwards, he returned his focus to the matter at hand. "So, what did Sasori do?"

"Nothing, un."

"Nothing?"

"Right. Usually, I just give danna one of these…hold on…" Deidara paused in his chat to open his cloak and dig around inside the pockets it concealed. Moments later, the hand reemerged with a small bird in hand. "I just wait a while and give Sasori danna one of these, and we call it even, un."

The shark reasoned that Deidara's explanation made sense. Giving your lover a gift whilst the two of you were upset with one another made them feel guilty; and thus put the seme at their boyfriend's mercy for a few weeks. It was the oldest trick in the uke handbook.

Seeing his chance, Kisame grabbed the bird and turned it over in his hands. "Mind if I give this to Itachi?"

"No, un." Muttering soft thanks, Kisame hurried out of the room. Now to look for Itachi again.

This time his search led him into the kitchen. There, he found the Uchiha sitting at the counter, his head resting atop folded arms with his eyes half-shut. Apparently beating the stuffing out of Tobi and then eating pocky was hard work. "Itachi, I have something for you," Kisame called out.

The drowsy weasel sat up and looked at his partner warily. His day had not been the best, and he felt rather miffed at Kisame to boot. "Here," Kisame said as he extended his hand and offered the bird to his partner.

The Uchiha raised a brow and looked from Kisame to the bird. Finally, he took the sculpture, turned it over in his hands-

BOOOOOM

Kisame paled as the smoke cleared, revealing a sooty and singed weasel. "Kisame," Itachi began.

"Yeah?"

"You have three seconds to get away before I remind you of exactly what makes me an S-rank killer." Not doubting the weasel for a second, the shark bolted from the room and made a beeline for the basement.

Once there, he stormed towards Deidara and yanked the blonde off the floor by his cloak collar. "H-hey, un!"

"Why the hell did you give me a bomb?!"

"You're the one that asked for it!"

"Why didn't you tell me it was a bomb?!" Kisame demanded angrily.

"I thought it was obvious, un! Danna makes me mad, I singe him with my bombs, and everything goes back to normal! See?"

With an exasperated sigh, Kisame released his grip on Deidara and allowed the younger male to slip back onto the floor. He supposed he should consider himself lucky that the bomb didn't go off while still in his possession. Then again, considering how pissed Itachi now was, maybe that wasn't a good thing…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kisame worked up the courage to enter his room several hours later, only to find his partner resting on their shared bed. He appeared to have showered and the singed tips of his hair were gone, probably cut off by the weasel himself.

Itachi looked towards the door at the sound of another person entering the room. His widened a wee bit at the sight of Kisame, and he quickly transitioned into a sitting position.

The shark closed his eyes to protect himself from the weasel's Sharingan and took a deep breath. Best apologize and beg for forgiveness while he still had the chance. "Ita-"

"Kisame," Itachi interrupted as his hand moved to cover the shark's mouth.

Kisame's eyes immediately opened in response to the touch, shock apparent for anyone to see. He hadn't even heard his partner rise from the bed, much less cross the room to stand mere inches in front of him.

Now that he had the elder male's attention, Itachi proceeded to speak again. "Kisame, today has been a very long day, and while I know you think you're trying to help, please, **please** don't attempt anything else to make me feel better."

Stupefied by the weasel's unusually long speech, Kisame nodded in agreement.

Itachi's face broke into a relieved smile, and he removed his hand from Kisame's mouth. "Thank you."

Kisame watched as Itachi crossed the room once more to lie down on their bed. He chose to press his luck, and spoke to the weasel. "Angel?"

"Hn?"

"Is there any major reason you were upset today?"

The Uchiha gave Kisame a confused look. "I'm not upset."

The shark snorted and followed after the weasel. In only a matter of moments he was seated beside the reclining male. "Itachi, I'm not stupid. I know when you're happy or sad, and today was definitely not a good day for you. Talk."

The weasel stared down at the bed sheets beneath his body, slender fingers absent-mindedly playing with the fabric. "It's the anniversary of their murder."

"…Oh." How could Kisame have forgotten? This was always one of the worst days of the year for Itachi; he'd never quite gotten over the massacre of his own clan, and still carried that burden on his shoulders.

"I was trying to avoid worrying you," Itachi admitted, still not looking at his partner, "but I suppose my emotions show too well around you."

Kisame nodded silently and began playing with Itachi's hair in an effort to comfort the weasel. It seemed to work, since Itachi moved to place his head in the elder man's lap. "Sorry about everything," Kisame muttered. "I was just trying to break you out of your funk. Guess it didn't work too well though."

"If it's any consolation, your attempts did manage to distract me for quite some time," Itachi whispered with a humored smile.

Kisame's heart leapt at the words. "So, I'm off the hook?"

Itachi looked up at the shark with a loving smile. "Oh, don't get me wrong Kisame. I love you to death, but there will be hell to pay for what's happened today."

And as the weasel nuzzled his face into Kisame's legs, the shark decided that next year, he'd let the weasel become violent on his own and let the torture end that much sooner.


End file.
